


Revu Kun Mi

by berlynn_wohl



Series: Dreams and Machines [2]
Category: Red Dwarf, U2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Crossover, Hallucinations, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-03
Updated: 2006-04-03
Packaged: 2017-10-26 09:43:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/281551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berlynn_wohl/pseuds/berlynn_wohl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This fic was inspired by the "Confidence and Paranoia" episode of <i>Red Dwarf</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Revu Kun Mi

With one finger, Bono traced the shape of a bolt protruding from the wall of their cabin, near the door. The walls featured many more bolts like it, betraying the reinforced titanium alloy structure of the star ship. The creamy plush carpet, the draperies, the satin pillows; these things could only do so much to mask the gray, utilitarian edifice.

"Don't try to move the tables or chairs," he said. "They're bolted down. And the paintings. I've just noticed."

"I've heard the artificial gravity has been known to go on the blink," said Edge.

"Still makes me think of a cheap motel," said Bono, and he grabbed the arm of a chair and tried to shake it, to no avail.

"Can you think of another way to get to and from the Sphére d'Azur?"

"I'm not complaining," said Bono. "I mean, I am, but just for the sake of complaining, I suppose. Have they not brought our bags yet?"

"They'll be along."

There was a little porthole, but it was shuttered for now, until that side of the ship was no longer directly facing the suns. The room featured two bunks, one above the other, and Bono laid down in the bottom one. Edge had a thing about the top bunk.

"I'm not feeling so well," Bono said. "Like I ate something bad, maybe?"

"Could be the stress of leaving the Sphére d'Azur's ionosphere." Edge went over to Bono and felt his forehead. "Jesus, you're burning up. Do you want to see a medic?"

"Oh, I don't want to see a medic. They make you get your kit off." Bono rolled over and faced the wall. "I'm just gonna have a lie-down."

"Would it bug you if I watched the televid?"

"Meh." Bono waved a hand dismissively behind him. Edge turned the televid on. There were no broadcasts, just the same recycled programs they had on all civilian transports: nature shows, for those who missed the stuff; adverts for other resort planetoids; and what Edge called the LCDs, for Lowest Common Denominator, the bland skit comedy and chat shows that anyone could handle watching. Edge watched a program about symbiotes from around the galaxy, interrupted once by a porter with their luggage. In the bunk below, Bono groaned occasionally. Edge leaned down to have a look, and saw that he was sleeping, thoughh not peacefully. He decided that he would take Bono to see a medic first thing in the morning. Eventually, he fell asleep with the remote control in his hand.

  
*****

  
Edge was awakened in the early morning (the clocks on the ship kept Earth time) by the sound of croaking. He thought perhaps he'd left the televid on, but it had sensed that all beings present had entered REM sleep and had shut itself off. Edge took a moment to orient himself in the bunk, figure out which way was up, and which way was out. And then he saw them: frogs. Hundreds of frogs, big and small, green and brown, leaping about the room. Edge climbed down from his bunk, trying not to step on any but failing. He had to get to the intercom, to ring…someone. Anyone. A porter answered when he pushed the button. "Our room is full of frogs!" Edge said. "No, it's not a joke! They're, hell, they're climbing on me!" But he knew how ridiculous he sounded. He let go the button and waded back to the bunks. Shaking Bono, he shouted, "Wake up! Bono, wake up!"

Bono flung one arm out and sat up, bonking his head.

"What the bloody hell is…ow, my fucking head!"

"Bono, we've got to get out of here! There are frogs everywhere!"

"Frogs where?" Bono surveyed the room with sleepy eyes. Edge turned around, and the frogs were gone. There was no slimy trace of them.

"There were," Edge said defensively. "They were all over. You couldn't see the carpet for the frogs!"

"I can't believe you woke me." Bono laid back down with a grunt and pulled the sheet over his head.

"I promise you, there were frogs. It wasn't an illusion. I held one in my hands."

"Hang on. I was dreaming about frogs. How many were in here?"

"A lot."

"Yeah, I was dreaming about a lot."

"Come on, get up." Edge yanked on Bono's sleeve. "We're taking you to the medic."

  
*****

  
LEVEL FIVE - MEDIC, said the sign on the door, and below that, NIVELO KVIN - DOKTORO. Edge pushed open the door. There was a nurse at the reception desk.

"My friend is sick," Edge began. "Wait. You speak English?"

The nurse shook her head.

"Okay, okay," He continued, haltingly. " _Mia amiko estas malsana. Li bezonas vidi doktoro_."

The nurse nodded curtly. " _Kio estas la problemo_?"

" _Li revinta pri…pri_ , uh…"

" _Ranoj_ ," Bono wheezed.

" _Ranoj_ , right. _Kaj tie estis ranoj en la chambro_!"

The nurse did not seem fazed by this. She picked up a phone and relayed the situation to someone, then hung up and said, " _Iru tra tio pordo. La doktoro parolas via lingvo_."

"Thanks," said Edge.

The doctor wasn't surprised by the frog story, either. In fact, he finished it as Edge was speaking. "And then there were frogs in the room, right? And when you woke him up they were gone. Well, well. Looks like you've got a space-bug, Mr. Bono."

"A space-bug?" Bono chuckled. "Spare me the technical jargon, doctor."

"It's a flu variant native to the Sphére d'Azur. We couldn't eradicate it, even when we terraformed the planetoid. Typical flu-like symptoms, but it has a somatic-hallucinatory element."

Edge's eyebrows went up. "So when a person who has it dreams, their dreams become part of the physical world."

"Exactly."

"Is there a treatment for it?"

"I'm afraid not. I'm sorry to say that you'll have to be confined to your quarters for the remainder of the trip. I'll arrange for meals to be brought to you. When we get back to Earth you'll likely be quarantined, but by that time I'm sure you'll both be over it. No worries."

"Excuse me," said Edge. "We'll both be over it?"

"The Sphére d'Azur Flu isn't particularly contagious, but…don't be surprised if you begin feeling the symptoms."

"We're not going to hurt anyone, are we?" Bono asked.

"Likely not. The hallucinations are confined to your immediate vicinity. Your cabin. And when you wake up, they're completely gone."

"What if I dream about a monster that eats people?"

The doctor shrugged. "It, eh…it doesn't work that way."

"Oh, more technical jargon," Bono said, and rolled his eyes.

  
*****

  
Bono was trying to watch a late-night LCD chat show, because the girl being interviewed was pretty, but it was being spoiled by the retching sounds coming from the bathroom.

"You could have closed the door, mate, if you're gonna do that," Bono shouted. He was still out of sorts, and couldn't be arsed to get up to close it himself. He could hear the brushing of teeth, then Edge came back into the room.

"Feel better?"

Edge was shuffling. "No." He lay down in his bunk and moaned. "How come I was sick everywhere, but not you?"

Bono was only half paying attention. "Dunno. Probably because I'm Bono."

"Right. Turn the televid down, would you? I want to sleep."

Bono just shut the thing off. Edge being sick had given his own stomach ideas. He tried to just lie still, concentrating on not being ill.

  
*****

"Ach! Edge, wake up!"

A snort. "Huh?" The room was silent and dark.

"You were dreaming about a crowd. The room was full of screaming teenagers. They were trying to get into my bunk."

Edge sniffed, rolled over. "Yeah, I was dreaming about a show. What time is it?"

"Just after midnight. We've only been asleep half and hour."

"Jesus," said Edge. "How are we going to get through the night?"

"Try to dream about something quiet," Bono said. "A single, tiny, harmless bunny. Can you manage that?"

"Bunny, got it." Edge went back to sleep.

  
*****

  
Bono had a dream about flying.

When he woke up, he was still in bed. It was still dark and quiet. He thought about a Bono, another Bono, flying around the room and then disappearing, and he smiled to himself.

Then he dreamed about the house he grew up in, just walking around in it. Then he was back in his bunk. He heard Edge's voice. Edge was asking Bono to touch him. There was a dim outline, Edge's chest, rising and falling rapidly. Mmm, it had been too long since Bono had had a dream like this.

Oh no.

Bono tried, but he could never wake himself from a dream. He sometimes found himself trapped in nightmares, until someone woke him, or the alarm went off. And usually, whenever he deduced that what was happening to him was just a dream, he would feel this urge, to just go along with it…

So he reached over and touched Edge's body.

Edge will never forgive me, Bono thought. He'll find me in his bunk and scream at me to wake up. Any second now.

The first thing Bono touched was the trail of hair from Edge's breastbone downwards, where it disappeared under the sheet. Edge seemed to flinch, or twitch, when he felt Bono's fingertips. Then suddenly Edge's body was much closer. Bono was sure he would suffocate from the heat. He threw off the sheets. Edge was naked. Bono could see it, could feel it with his own naked belly and thighs. He could really feel it. That was the best part about dreams.

Bono caressed all this nakedness, tracing the dim outline of Edge's body. "Until I wake up," Bono whispered, "you're all mine." Bono pressed himself against Edge, admitting to Edge, without words, all his secret desires.

But the close heat, their breathing, the sighs and whispers - it was too much. With all the rubbing and pushing, Bono feared he was already about to come.

Edge grabbed hold of Bono's cock and stroked it roughly, and now Bono was begging for mercy in his own fantasy. "No, Edge, don't touch it, I'm going to…unh…" His fingers dug into Edge's flesh as he grunted and groaned his way through a powerful, shuddering orgasm. He pressed his face into Edge's neck, and their sweat, their fever, made it slick and humid.

And then there was an indeterminate period of blackness.

  
*****

  
And then he was awake.

"Lights," said Edge. As the lights came on Edge swung his legs over the side of the bunk and, eschewing the ladder, he leaped down, headed for the bathroom. Bono sat up. This time he remembered not to bump his head. Then he remembered other things. His dream. It was a delicious dream, but he would pay for it now. Feet on the floor, elbows on knees, he sat, frantically debating what he should say. But maybe he'd lucked out. Maybe the fever had broken, and Bono hadn't hallucinated himself into Edge's bunk.

But Bono's hope was dashed when he saw Edge's face. As Edge came back into the room he looked deadly serious, as though he had a prepared statement he was loath to make. "Listen," he said. "I want to tell you something about last night."

Bono stared at him, ready for the fury. "About the hallucination."

"Yeah. I just have to apologize." Edge was very embarrassed. He had a hand in front of his face. "It's not like I've ever dreamt about things like that before. Honest. I promise I haven't." He looked at the ceiling.

Bono nodded, slowly.

"Really, I'm just looking forward to us both being done with this flu thing and getting on with our lives. You know?"

"Absolutely," Bono said. "No problem. It's forgotten."

"But," Edge said, "can I ask you something?…Once you figured out what was going on...Why didn't you just wake me up?"


End file.
